To rise above it all and truly say u have elevated urself past the bullshit of this society
Is a great accomplishment that not many can say they have done
With
the mind frame of such seriousness people search to find what they had
all along and after it is gone people want to regret and have pity for
that which cannot be changed
I
finally had it sink into my head that is where we will find wisdom and
tru elevation to learn from mistakes and bring urself to higher level
knowing what u did and what should ve could've would've but didn't that
way in the future u will know how to handle it
I
spent many years regretting and dwellin on my past my past actions that
were not even my own but of people who had hurt me letting it repeat
itself time and time again fuckin with my head it was out of my control
till I realized I had to let them go not in the way of being done all
together but knowing how to take opinon as whatever not as serious as I
made them to be realizing they feel better bashing on me making me low
to seem they are above then clouding the poison in the mirror of love
that it was to help me see error in the ways of my life but doin so it
was them that handed me the knife that showed me the angle to best slit
my wrist and being with a man that took my soul with every kiss
Bringing
me down when you try to see ur self as a better person and those u are
close to think the worst of you state your past and not u now keeping u
in the mind frame that you will never change never make it better
causing the puddle of past tears to replenish itself in the lakes of
sorrow
Contemplating
on not waking up tomorrow like hail in your mental fallin fallin fallin
hard not like the usual rain but cold drops of judgement pound in my brain
Who am I trying to prove my new point of view to where
is the joy for my new found smile that is different from the one that u
knew fake and covering up pain you never knew but figured through
actions of not giving a damn with nothing to live for just regretting
who I am no now I feel I am becoming a new not improved cuz im still me
but wiser in my ways and choices
No
longer around all the mean people and words the spit like fire to my
mental causing me to go mental and hear the voices that taunt and make
me delirious taking each memory so serious not able to see the beauty
in my past
But no I am able to say I made it through not on my own but with tru
friends to help not the friends I knew for years who showed me no way
out but the one that knew me better than the one who spent years who
watched me grow through decisions right and wrong who didn't need to
know me even that long before it was obvious they change nessasary to
take my burden dig my grave then burry the skeletons that lurked in my
closet and now reality flows like a faucet
I no longer dance in the moons illusion or sit find my self in the towers confussion
The fool will never be me again turning a foe to a friend letting the walls of my mental down so u can get in
I
know who is tru I see what is real and on this day I feel peace with in
my realms the storm calmin down and the imposters not around
I
always thought the answer was in my past why I was why I was not I know
now that what I was not and what I was has made me who I am my mind
frame my traits are thanks to those in my life and now I can say thank
you ur wrongs are my rights I couldn't be the
person that is here before you today if I didn't sink in everything
that u say I learned what I didn't want to be and who was the real me I
am not a chamillion past my surface securities and to you I can say you
will not have the pleasure of knowing this soul whose loyalty cant be
measured I will not return the favor that you bestowed upon me and I
will not call you out for the whole world to see you know who you are
that brought me down so many days that brought me to hell so I could
expierence burning pain feeling my flesh peel from my body with a
temperature rising causing my combustion each night in my corner lonely
with you in my veins heroine shouldve been ur name
Then
there is those who I stand side with in the hour in the day in my new
life with my new point of not only view but of you to who showed that
ur help was not needed and took my problems into solution till I
finally succeded and now I can say thank you for the
light you shined in my tunnel the one to show my tru self relection for
you who did not know me but took time to listen time to think and time
to speak time to be
Thank you for the things you said to help when I didn't ask to notice that I was struggling to change
Above
no one but higher than the spirts that found a home in me Im a brand
new person that is easy to see the things I do the way I live have not
strayed from my everyday ways
And that was not my problem and is still not today but
the memories the memories the momories of you the thoughts and the
words that broke right through building up a wall of critism and mess
makin me feel that I was worthless
I know see that my heart is beyond value my mind cannot be bought and all you did in the past is now a lesson taught