If you happen to find your self here.. great.. welcome.

My name is jessica. I write from time to time.. sumtimes good stuff sumtimes great stuff sumtimes stuff i dont like.. 

this site was a gift to me  from a avery special person.. THANK YOU BABY..

any hoo.. if you notice grammar and punctuation are not my strong points but .. oh well.. its my site i can fuck up shyt as i see fit.. LMFAO. As you may notice everything so far is dated as july 28th that is cuz this site was made for me while i spelt and i woke up to it.. How wonderful.  Mainly its is sum poems i have written over time.. but i may find myself from time to time just bloggin im not sure what I will do with this site yet. 

i hope u like what you read .. feel free to comment in it as you see fit but like ms.badu says "Keep in mind Im an artist.. and Im sensitive about my shyt" ..lol jk but thank you for stoppin in .. :) 

Over exaggerated emotions caught up in the moment

Lost in the sensation of your eyes caress

Bringing burden to my chest

As if my spirit is on trial

None the less I can't deny it

My tears won't hide it

And it hurts that we are not what we should be how we should be where we could be

Together

If only through the solemn heat beat

I am devoted

And I hope you notice

I love you with all my heart and if you will never let go

I will do the same

Content with the reason

I want to find the inner peace to

Find my souls calm release

Day by day I search to find

Answer to the reason why

But now I am beginning to see that im

stuck in the past still moving on

Unable to turn down the volume of my sad song

I hear my angels but see the demons

And let them lead me away from salvation

dragging temptation

for the cure

That does not cure but makes me more insecure

more dependant upon

That which is unnecessary

And has no bearing

other than to bring me lower after the moments past

depending for a quick fix not to ment to last

emotional heroine

my ups then my downs

Shooting up my soul with a right now

fixation

I am strong enough to live to overcome

But let the past freeze me

 I  feel so numb

Numb

To the antidote that best suits the need

To slit my wrist and watch my emotions bleed

And feel the sensation of my inner peace my calm release

 Of Letting go

i remeber when i held you in my arm and took comfort in you needing me

and i remeber the ways i made you smile and took joy in me for a lilwhile

but now the times have changed

you moved on and im still in thesame dam place

stuck on the past my memories that can do nothing morethan last

you were my one the light my cloud

who noticed me in thecroud

who wiped away my tears

but thats only right cause you were thereason i wept

and hugged my pillow when i slept next to the shadow

theimpression of your soul who u with today

shyt who knows

could be herher or her

should be me and me alone

but never that

it was too much foryou to ask to respect me love me place none above me

see i never wanted ur money never wanted you rank

all i cared about was that u came homeok

and that the past is done you want to go back

i want to move on butits not easy for me to forget

and still i cant regret

becausae with youi felt the most complete

now i just drive around listening to the songyeah you know the melody the one dedicated to me

i know i should  take it backto that level and its just to hard for me to put my faith in u

dissapointing me time and time

and now im without you  happy

but i ammissing my soul

empty in my heart calling your name reaching out foryour hand

and then the sense kicks in

you were never a man - never -

andthe beating the cheating the lies kick in

i cant get past you

cant betogether but still ill love you forever

I'm here trin to figure out a way to get away to leave this pain behind

in the dark

i sit

cant get enough  

but with it i feel sick

like my herorine when ur deep within, my immortal sin

just to touch you smell you kiss you 

relasping when i miss you 

how can this be that all you wanna do is hurt me

tru to you true to the love the life i have to live i want to relinquish the thought of you and i but it makes my world unsatisfied

out of order to let it burn is what i should have done

just to bury the passion so that when my tears fall like rain it would blossom again

that is how you doit right? break me down and try to bring me up just so you can later crush touch and be up and be on ur way?

my heart is severed and you carry it with you forever but what i gotta know is why would you accept the gift of me when you knew we would never be?!

I am and I strive and I bleed till I die then I am reborn again

Resurrected in sin captivated by memories that im no longer sure are of me

each time a different life loosing a bit of my souls presence and depleting my heart s very essence of love of life of truth now I sit by the mirror but only the room looks back my surrounding so clear but who am I where am I how is it that my reflection has disappeared that many lives of mine come they come to go that I dont even exist anymore so to speak

The innocents no longer cling to me and it seems to me that I also loose the wisdom of the child who absorbs like a sponge knowledgeable

Now I think like an adult I breathe mental assault from the world my peers the media that profits from my fears not to be alone to urge to be heroine sheik so to speak to have the nice car and big house simplicity is a fear yet I fear it whats comfort me